Joke and Humor Collections

Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus?Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea."I call my man 'Eight,' " said the first woman, "Because he's got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.
Category: ROOT - 0 Comments

You know you are addicted to coffee if -You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. -You sleep with your eyes open. -You have to watch videos in fast-forward. -The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. -You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"
Category: ROOT - 0 Comments

"Look, guide, here are some LION
tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they
came
from."
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Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for the first time is a description of their properties.Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

Q: How can you tell the difference between all
the banjo songs?
A: By their names.
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A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cooksaw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner hecooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking andignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up thecooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."
Category: ROOT - 0 Comments

Why do men snore?When they fall asleep, their balls cover their assholes and they vapor lock.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde. "I just got this amazing watch," he tells her, "it can reads alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking." "What does it say about me?" asked the blonde. "It says you want to sleep with me." said the man. "Sorry," said the blonde, "I think your watch is broken.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for

your girlfriend improve her appearance ?
Man: It did for a while -
then it fell off.
Category: More Jokes - 0 Comments

Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she got arrested.
Category: Yo Mama Jokes - 0 Comments

mccain  going  off  viagra,  takes  viagra  30  minutes  to  a  hour,  takes  palin  only  a few  seconds
Category: Political Jokes - 0 Comments

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
Category: Animal Jokes - 1 Comments

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

This horse walks in to a bar and asks for a bit to eat!
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Does an elephant ever forget?A: Only if you loan him money.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why don't elephants use cellular phones?A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why do penguins live in the Arctic?A: Because they can't fly to Florida like the rest of the old birds.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Why did the raccoon cross the road? He didn't, he got hit by a car.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments