Joke and Humor Collections

Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill
Clinton wishes he did?
A: A dead girlfriend.
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Two
men were stopped by a TV newswoman
doing street
interviews about the upcoming presidential primary
election.

"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man
said. "I
don't know any of them."

"I feel the same way," the
second man said. "Only I know
them all."
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If storks bring
human babies, what bring
monster babies?
Cranes.
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This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water."That's ridiculous!" he shouted at the pool manager. "Everybody does it,you know.""That may be so," came the reply, "but usually not from the diving board."
Category: Situations - 0 Comments

Q: Why do they always fly
around a live
turkey in a cage on Air Force 1?
A: For spare parts.
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What sits in the middle of the world wide web

?
A very, very big spider !
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This particular Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants took advantage of his good nature, and would steal his parking spot.This continued until he put up the following effective sign: This parking space belongs to the Wizard.... Violators will be toad!
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay
attention!
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Knock Knock
Who's there !
Anais
!
Anais who ?
Anais cup of tea !
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A technician advised his customer to put his
troubled floppy
back in the drive and close the door. The customer
put the disk in, asked
the tech to hold on, and was heard putting
the phone down, getting up
and closing the door to his room.
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Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she got arrested.
Category: Yo Mama Jokes - 4 Comments

mccain  going  off  viagra,  takes  viagra  30  minutes  to  a  hour,  takes  palin  only  a few  seconds
Category: Political Jokes - 5 Comments

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
Category: Animal Jokes - 1 Comments

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

This horse walks in to a bar and asks for a bit to eat!
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Does an elephant ever forget?A: Only if you loan him money.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why don't elephants use cellular phones?A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why do penguins live in the Arctic?A: Because they can't fly to Florida like the rest of the old birds.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Why did the raccoon cross the road? He didn't, he got hit by a car.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments