Joke and Humor Collections

Ghost: Are you coming to my party?
Spook:
Where is it?
Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say, the
morgue the
merrier.
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|Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
Category: Blonde Jokes - 0 Comments

Two robbers were
robbing a hotel. The first
one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

The second one said, "But
we're on the 13th floor!"

The first one screamed back, "This is no
time to be
superstitious."
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An American tourist found himself in a sleepy
country village, and
asked one of the locals the age of the oldest
inhabitant.
"Well, sir," replied the villager, "we ain't got one
now. He died
last week."
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Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony. Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says "I?m going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

|Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
Category: Irish Jokes - 0 Comments

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

Why
did the electrician close early on
Mondays?
Because business was very light.
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Knock Knock Who's there? Albee! Albee! Albee a monkey's uncle! Knock Knock Who's there? Albert! Albert who! Albert you don't know who this is! Knock Knock Who's there? Alison! Alison who? Alison it's dark outside! Knock Knock Who's there? Alli! Alli who? Alligator, that's who! Knock Knock Who's there? Allied! Allied who? Allied, so sue me!
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need topurchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Category: Blonds - 0 Comments

Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she got arrested.
Category: Yo Mama Jokes - 0 Comments

mccain  going  off  viagra,  takes  viagra  30  minutes  to  a  hour,  takes  palin  only  a few  seconds
Category: Political Jokes - 0 Comments

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
Category: Animal Jokes - 1 Comments

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

This horse walks in to a bar and asks for a bit to eat!
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Does an elephant ever forget?A: Only if you loan him money.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why don't elephants use cellular phones?A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why do penguins live in the Arctic?A: Because they can't fly to Florida like the rest of the old birds.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Why did the raccoon cross the road? He didn't, he got hit by a car.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments