Joke and Humor Collections

A husband and wife entered the
dentist's
office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want
gas
or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as

quickly as possible."

"You're a brave man," said the dentist.
"Now, show me which tooth
it is.
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The following was contributed by Emil:A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman,"cor! I've just had my first blow-job and it was great! -- I'll have alarge whiskey please, barman." The man takes his whiskey and downs it. "Same again?" asks the barman. "Okay" says the man and downs the second.
Category: Ouch - 0 Comments

Mrs.
Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh
Marie," she said to her maid, "I
have reason to suspect that my
husband is
having an affair with his secretary."

"I don't
believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."You're just
saying that to
make me jealous !!!"
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Teacher: What do you think
astronauts wear
to keep warm?
Girl: Apollo neck jumpers ?
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Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by . The first man married a nurse. Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot." The second man married a telephone operator.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

Ralph and Charlie where playing the ninth hole at the local country club when Ralph hit his tee shot way to the right. Ralph walked over to the deep rough, found his ball, and proceeded to beat the hell out of wild buttercups with his pitching wedge.
Category: Situations - 0 Comments

Farmer Brown had been screwing one of his pigs for 5 years, when all of a sudden he was hit by pangs of conscience.It bothered him so much that he decided that he just had to tell his priest about it in confession.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments

A seargent is
interviewing three cadets who
were training to become detectives. To test
their skills in
recognizing a suspect, he shows the first cadet a picture
for 5 seconds
and then hides it.
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Does your mum like shopping on the
Internet?
No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.
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"Can
I have some two-handed cheese,
please?" a man in a restaurant asked
the waiter.
"What do you
mean, 'two-handed cheese'?' asked the waiter.
"You know, the kind
you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the
other."
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Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she got arrested.
Category: Yo Mama Jokes - 0 Comments

mccain  going  off  viagra,  takes  viagra  30  minutes  to  a  hour,  takes  palin  only  a few  seconds
Category: Political Jokes - 0 Comments

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
Category: Animal Jokes - 1 Comments

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

This horse walks in to a bar and asks for a bit to eat!
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Does an elephant ever forget?A: Only if you loan him money.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why don't elephants use cellular phones?A: So the rest of the world won't know their plans.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Q: Why do penguins live in the Arctic?A: Because they can't fly to Florida like the rest of the old birds.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments

Why did the raccoon cross the road? He didn't, he got hit by a car.
Category: Animal Jokes - 0 Comments