A blind man in a store

How do you know you're leading a sad life?When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
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Why did you hit your birthday cake with a

hammer?
Because you said it was pound cake!
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How do
you define an aardvark?
Aan
aanimal that resembles an aanteater!
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The Five Stages Of DrunkenessStage 1 - CLEVERThis is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always right. And, of course, the person you are talking to is very wrong.
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What do
you do when a blonde throws a
grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it
back!
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it followthat electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease,eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers willbe debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will
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A guy says to a salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."She says, "What color?"He says, "Just give me white. I'll color it myself."
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Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning

?
About an hour and a half after I arrived at school
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Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol (who is very religious),"So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do?"I study the Torah," he replies."But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and house her?""No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide.
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What kind of thief steals meat?
A
hamburglar.
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