A Blonde's Bad Day

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my

soup?
Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir
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Q: What did the football say to the football
player?
A: I get a kick out of you.
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Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and
a Rolling
Stone?
A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you, get off of
my cloud!", while a
Scotsman says "Hey McLeod, get off of my
ewe!"
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One day, a man with no arms walked into the bathroom. Another man that was in there, asked, "I don't mean to be rude sir, but how to you go to the bathroom with no arms?"The guys with no arms replied, "Well I need a little help, could you unzip my pants?"The other guys reluctantly says, "sure".
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What do you call an alcoholic dog ?
A whino
!
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Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alligator
!
Alligator who ?
Alligator for her birthday was a card !
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Teacher: What
a glum face, what would you say
if I came to school with a face like
yours ?
Pupil: I'd be too
polite to mention it !
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01. I can see your point, but you're still full of crap.02. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronouce.03. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.04. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.05. Ahh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.06. I like you.
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Even more clues you could be a Redneck...You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.You think the Bud Bowl is real.Your dog goes "oink!"You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
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Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up
and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well, up and
down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a
0!
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