A man and his Alligator

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play

ping-gong and died, what would they put on his coffin?
A lid.
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Who never gets his hair wet in the

shower? A bald man.
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A wife was
berating her husband. He
motioned for her to quiet
down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in
me."

The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women,
'dear',
I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."
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But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding ? A husband controls his wife in much the same manner as a barometer controls the weather.
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|A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate himself) was hospitalized.
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When shouldn't a mountain climber call for help?When he's hanging by his teeth.
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Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol (who is very religious),"So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do?"I study the Torah," he replies."But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and house her?""No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide.
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An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work onscaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! IfI get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jumpoff this building.
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I'm hungry = I'm hungry.I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.I'm tired = I'm tired.Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
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|Their Personal Xmas-ing Device, which would be barely larger than an ornament and flat, would allow you to celebrate the season with a device attached conveniently to your belt.
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