A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy...

How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine?It's the one with bite marks on the cap.
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How does a farmer send messages?
By
e-i-e-i-o-mail.
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Waiter, there is a fly in my bean soup
!
Don't worry sir I'll fish him out and exchange it for a bean
!
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Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
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How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty

contest?
She was the beast of the show!
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Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one
day about Mr. Riley and his
constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, "I
have an idea about how to stop
him from spending so much time at the
pub. Every night he comes home
through the cemetery. One night you
should get disguised and spook him
when he comes staggering
through."

So Mrs.
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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.
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TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER1. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length of string.2. You check out their address, and it's a phone booth containing a Compaq portable and an acoustic coupler.3. Their chief technical officer lives in a 10-foot-by-7-foot shack in the woods.4.
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Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in
just
one day ?
Pupil: I get up early !
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Rules that guys wished girls knew..........1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to seeif he can find the perfect present!5.
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