A Well Dressed Man

Who made this Christmas pudding?
Our
chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.
What did he use
to make it?
Elf-raising flour, of course.
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Why did the dog's owner think his dog
was a
great mathematician?
When he asked the dog what six minus six was,
the dog said
nothing.
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How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty

contest?
She was the beast of the show!
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A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt. 'Sit down and tell me how it happened,' said the doctor.'Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!''Okay, I see...But that's one ear - what about the other?''They called again!!'
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What lights up a football stadium ?
A
football match !
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Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track.
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A few weeks before Christmas a very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle Me Elmo" dolls.It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
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Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever

loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't
afford to. She's my best patient.
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A blonde and her husband were driving home,
when
they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and
stood
over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just
stood
their, when she said "Oh i know."
So she when in the car and rumaged
through
her purse and came out with what looked
a bottle.
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The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants".
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