Birthday jokes

YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU WHERE

A TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT.
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|A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride.After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highway patrol for a weight check and inspection.The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn; no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield wipers.
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What kind of pig do sows dislike?
Male
Chauvinist Pigs.
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It was Halloween and three

vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar. "What will
you
have?" the bartender asked.

"I'll have a glass of
blood," the first replied.
"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please,"
said the second.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third.
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Pillsbury Dough Boy wanted for attempted murderA lady named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws,and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a womansitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparentlysleeping.
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Do Or Say If You Wake Up To Your Roommate Having Sex50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo"49. "That would work better the other way around. ."48. Sniff. Sniff. "Is something burning?"47. "Damn, that's complicated."46. "Wait, wait, use my pillow."45. "Alright already, _I_came."44. "You guys need a value pak."43. Smoke a pipe.
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A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks." He said. "The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
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A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over.
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A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch. Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.Suddenly the wife stopped, grabbed her cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit her husband across the shins.
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Two men were knocking in nails to

the sides of a house, one of them kept throwing them away.
"Why do
you keep throwing nails away" said the other.
"Because they have the
point at the wrong end", he replied
"You fool, we could use those on
the other side of the house!"
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