Blondes and Turtles

|At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
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Doctor: Your system needs freshening up a bit. I
suggest you take a cold
bath every morning.

Patient: Oh,
but I do, doctor.

Doctor: You do?

Patient: Yes, every
morning I take a nice cold bath and fill it with
nice hot water!
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Why does a blonde keep
empty beer bottles
in her fridge?
They are for those who don't drink!
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Customer: Waiter, there's a button in my

salad.
Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.
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The Y-Zero-K Problem Translated from a recently discovered Latin scroll dated 2BC Dear Cassius: Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us many headaches; there is not much time left. I don't know how citizens will cope with working the wrong way around.
Category: Computers - 0 Comments

Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. "Mommy," she said, "I'd like you to answer one question." "Very good," replied her mother, "I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees." "It's not that," said the girl. "I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how to make lasagna."
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Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV
sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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|As supposedly reported on CNN:Undercover police, staging the wedding of "a drug kingpin's daughter", let it be known on the street that dealers were "invited" (i. e. Expected to attend).The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was "S. P. O. C.
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How does the captain know the aircraft is
safely at the ramp?
Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.
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Wouldn't it be nice to tell the Dean of your

college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well, if you like your
Dean
as much as I like my Dean, then you'd better keep your mouth
shut. I
knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I expressed my
true feelings,
so I remained silent for the last four
years.
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