Cannibal jokes

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount.4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories.
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Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
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What do you call a horse wearing Venetian
blinds?
A zebra!
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Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game!
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Q: Which positions
does a violist use?
A:
First, third, and emergency.
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Why did the big pig want to go on stage?
There
was a lot of ham in him.
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Who turns the lights off at halloween
?
The light's witch !
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Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect

pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit
any of the
ducks.
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On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their dailybusiness. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a starof David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to thecross wearer and the other was overlooked.
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if at first you dont succeed...buy her another drink
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