Car and train jokes

Doctor, how do I stop my nose from
running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!
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I was given the ultimatum 3
weeks ago. She
said "it's me or your fishing."

Gee I miss her.
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"Will the father be present during the

birth?"
asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the
mother-to-be,
"He and my husband don't get along."
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*** COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING ***(the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for.
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Q: What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? A: Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!
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There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method:General Practitioners know nothing and do little.Surgeons know little and do everything.Internists know everything and do nothing.Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too late.
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Where does Peter Pan eat?Wendy's
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A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed."No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"
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PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry AcronymsISDN It Still Does NothingAPPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing EntitySCSI System Can't See ItDOS Defunct Operating SystemBASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry ControlIBM I Blame MicrosoftDEC Do Expect CutsCD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered
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The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat.
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