Car and train jokes

Employer: "In this job we need someone

who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last
job, every time anything
went wrong, they said I was
responsible."
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A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.
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Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!"
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What did they do to the burger who thought he
was a
rooster?
Cook-a-doodle-do!
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A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.
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A Polak was jumped by two muggers and fought like hell, but was finally subdued.His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets. "You mean you fought like that for 57 cents?" asked one of the muggers incredulously."Is that all you wanted?" moaned the Pole. "I thought you were after the $400 in my shoe!"
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|What is the difference between school dinners and a pile of slugs?School dinners come on a plate!
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A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal
alien in the
bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and
says "Sorry, you
know the law, you've got to go back across the
border right now.
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Lady Diana and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in.St.
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What do you get if you cross a duck with a

firework ?
A firequaker !
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