Car and train jokes

This is the difference between
a lousy
Golfer and a lousy Parachutist.

The lousy Golfer goes splash then
damn.

The lousy Parachutist goes damn then splash.
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The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.
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A retired
four-star general ran into his
former orderly, also retired, in a
Manhattan bar and spent the rest of
the evening persuading him to come
work for
him as his valet.
"Your duties will be exactly the same as they were
in the
army,"
the general said. "Nothing to it - you'll catch on again

fast.
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Pick the day you were born on to see what kind of fart you are.1-AMBITIOUS - Always ready for a fart.2-LAZY - Just fizzles3-AMIABLE - Likes to smell others farts4-SELFISH - Only enjoys smelling own farts5-CARELESS - Farts in church6-SMART ALEC - Farts when ladies are present.
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If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days
a year, why are
there locks on the doors?
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A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man.Old Man speaks; "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the Fence-Builder? Nooooo!"Then the old man gestured at the bar.
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Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen? That's the proper place to wash vegetables.
Category: Blonds - 0 Comments

Where do Snowmen go to dance?
To
snowballs.
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I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach.Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon?""Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers!"
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunnedfor a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"
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