Car and train jokes

1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.5.
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Why do primates do so
well in show
biz?
Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!
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10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinkshis babysitter is gay."Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?" says mom.Timmy replies, "Because his dick tasted like shit!"
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Why did
the viper want to become a python?

He got the coiling.
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If your child asks how Santa Claus gets into the house, just tell him he comes in through a large hole in daddy's wallet.
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Yo mama so dark she went to night school and

was marked absent!
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What do you call a greedy ant ?
An anteater !
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Knock Knock
Who's there !
Cole
!
Cole who ?
Cole as a cucumber !
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Just after I got married, I decided to have a night with "the boys." I told the misses that I would be home by midnight...promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. full as a boot, I went home.Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times.
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The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat.
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