Cat jokes

Have you heard about the
elephant that
went on a crash diet ?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire
engines !
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Detective: Do you think
I should put on
the cuffs?
Criminal: Why? You look good in short sleeves.
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where atrain stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
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Q: How many Screenwriters does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: The bulbs IN and it's staying IN!
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If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it's the '90's!, he'd beCat Doggy Dogg.
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One morning at church, the pastor was preaching about what God was and wasn't.He said "God is neither white, nor black. God is neither male nor female."After hearing all this, a curious 5 year old turned to his dad and asked -"Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?"
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Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he hasto take a shit real bad.The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts downto use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls areoccupied, so he runs back up to his room, and indesperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, andtakes a shit in the pot.
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Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.4.
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An airplane was flying from LA to New York.
About an
hour into the flight, the pilot announced, "We have lost an
engine,
but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5
hours
it will take 7 hours to get to New York."

A little later, the
pilot announced, "A second engine failed, but we
still have two
left.
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The most successful lawyer in town had never made a contribution to the Red Cross. The chairman of the Red Cross, Mr. Wilson, called on the lawyer, hoping to convince him to make a donation."You made over $600,000 last year but you haven't given anything back to the community.
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