chameleon's motto

Q: When is a strange dog
most likely to go
into your house? - A: When the door is open.
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A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a

dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in
his
pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A
passerby
remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the
dog had done.
"Not at all," said the blind man.
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Finally, Serbian hackers hacked the navigation systems of "Tomahawk" missiles -- now they're called "Boomerang."
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A Texan farmer goes
to Australia for a
vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets
talking. The Aussie
shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have
wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk
around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his
herd of cattle.
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How do you spell relief?Answer: F A R T
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Nigel: You said
the school dentist would
be painless, but he wasn't.
Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel:
No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
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True story: A friend's mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket.
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Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. One day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad which read:Lose weightOnly $1.
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Did you know there are serial number on condoms.........No?.I guess you didn't roll them down far enough.
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Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were
stumbling home
late one night and found themselves on the road which
led past the old
graveyard.

"Come have a look over here,"
says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's
grave, God bless his soul. He
lived to the ripe old age of 87.
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