CHICKEN

How do you stop squirrels playing football in

the garden ?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts !
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Bill Clinton made up a list of things he can say to his secretaries so they will know what he really wants, but everyone else will ignore.So one day, he hires a new secretary, and then calls her over the intercom. "Hello Ms., could you please come in here and fix my clock". Of course, she innocently agreed.
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|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Hunter Shot to Death By a Fox, Belgrade, Associated PressA fox shot and killed a 38-year-old hunter in central Yugoslavia, the official Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported yesterday.
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|The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
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|These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers). "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer." "Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching." "A room temperature IQ." "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
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|Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
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What do you call a rich frog?
A gold-blooded
reptile.
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Fred: I met a really
conceited actor
the other day.
Harry: Why do you say he's conceited?
Fred: Well,
every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he
went to the
window and took a bow.
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Who needs a man!...My dog growls at me every morning, my parrot swears all afternoon, my fireplace smokes a lot, my cat slinks home in the early morning hours, and I have a physician who looks me over regularly.
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Q: What did the blind blonde say as she was

making love with her new boyfriend?

A: "Funny, you don't feel
Jewish."
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