Children jokes

Paddy 'n'
Mick join the army, and are
put on street patrol in a city with a
military curfew. They are
given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the
streets after 6
o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when
Paddy spots a
man walking on the other side of the street.
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Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say ass' and I'll say hell'".All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast."Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios.
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From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 31, 1995Top Ten Signs You're Not The Sexiest Man Alive10. When people see you, they often ask, "Is it Halloween already?"9. You appear in TV Guide crossword puzzle with the clue, "Siskel and ___"8. The best term to describe you is "super hairy".7.
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What do you get if you cross a skunk
and an owl?
A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!
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Why did the alien phone home on his mobile?

Because it was so ET !
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A blond at a party was telling her friend thatshe was off men for life. "They lie, they cheatand they're just no good. From now on when I wantsex, I'm going to use my vibrator""So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."
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Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house

phone.

"Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over,
we're having a
real wildass party."

"Shit, Ah'd shore love
to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of
gonorrhea."


"Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah

buddies'll drink anythin'!"
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A doctor, an engineer, and a politician werearguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the doctor, "without aphysician mankind could not have survived, so I amsure that mine is the oldest profession.
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A guy goes into a costume shop. He says,

"I'm going to a
costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings
out
a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."

She brings out a
bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge
fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough.
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St. Peter has a day-off from his duties at the gates to Heaven and Jesus is standing in for him. Whilst 'booking-in' the new arrivals Jesus notices an old man in the queue who seems familiar. When this man gets to the front of the queue Jesus asks him his name."Joseph" is the reply, which makes Jesus more inquisitive.
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