Christmas jokes

A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet

over his head.
'Are you here as a ghost ?' asked his
friends
'No, I'm an undercover agent".
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A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.
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They say she has a sharp tongue.
Yes, she can
slice bread with it.
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There are a lot of words you
can use to
describe men: strong, caring, loving.
They'd be wrong, but you could
still use them.
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Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?

A: So
they know when to stop having sex.
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A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed.
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You momma is so fat, she needs a sheep for a tampon!
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Hotel
guest: Can you give me a room and a
bath, please?
Porter: I can give you a room, but you'll have to wash

yourself.
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Father: How were the
exam
questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions
didn't give me any trouble, just the
answers!
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There was a blonde whose house was on fire. She called the fire department and asked them to come put it out. When they asked how to get to her house, and she rolled her eyes and said... "Duh, use the big red truck!"
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