Christmas jokes

On the eve of her wedding, the bride-to-be confessed to her best friend that she was worried about her husband finding out that she wasn't a virgin."No problem," said the friend. "Just go out and buy yourself a nice piece of liver and put it up inside you just before you have sex. You'll feel nice and tight and he'll never know the difference.
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Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes,and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep themin the dark until they mature into something you'd wantto have dinner with.
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A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin."Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover.""Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"
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Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet

on an empty stomach?
No, you should do it on a computer.
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|What is the thinnest book in the world?What men know about women!
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Q: What
did the thermometer say to the
other thermometer?
A: You make my temperature rise.
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At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world.
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Q: How do you know
you're flying over
Poland?
A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
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Yo Mama is so fat, she had to be baptized
at
Sea world. (Lionheartyz)
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There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.
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