Christmas jokes

Where is everyone beautiful?
In the dark.
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Why did the pig go to the casino ?
To play the
slop machine !
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Q. What does a sign on a whorehouse say in the middle of the day?A. Beat it - we're closed.
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Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him. Couldn't hit sand if he fell off a camel. Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if he were standing inside. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Couldn't think/pee his way out of a paper bag. Couldn't write dialog for a porno flick.
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A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter.
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Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the

larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why?
Fred: I
don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other
one.
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Why was
the restaurant called "Out of
this World"?
Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.
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A New York City yuppie moved to the
country
and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and
livestock
store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up

chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.

"That's a
lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean
business," the
city slicker replied.
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A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower.
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Two owls were playing pool.
One said, "Two
hits."
The other replied, "Two hits to who?"
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