Clinton jokes

Bill is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Bill just dates and dates.Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?""No," Bill replies.
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He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light. He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap. There are times he has something on his mind -- he wears a hat occasionally. His neck reminds you of a typewriter -- Underwood. The only time he thinks is in a poolroom, where he can rack his brains.
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MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.2. Nothing improves with age.3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.4. Sex has no calories.5.
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How can you be sure you have counterfeit
money?
If it's a three-dollar bill, you can be sure.
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A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up.
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Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?""I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?""I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
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Question: Why should Monica Lewinsky never go to medical school?Answer: She sucked as an intern!
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Who made this Christmas pudding?
Our
chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.
What did he use
to make it?
Elf-raising flour, of course.
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George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems."Dubya," said his PR guy, "We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college.""It's true," replied Bush, "but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose."
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* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
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