Cow jokes

What's long and stylish and full of cats?

The Easter Purrade!
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"I
caught a twenty pound salmon last
week."

"Were there any witnesses?"

"There sure were. If there
hadn't been, it would have been forty
pounds."
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How old were you on your last birthday?

Eight.
And how old will you be on your next birthday?
Ten.

Oh, I don't think that's possible.
Oh, yes it is - I'm nine
today.
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One vampire to the
other : " Let's go and
have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary
just round the
corner"!
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Good News To All SmokersThe International Tabacco Syndicate, on its Golden Anniversary, wishes to invite Smokers of all ages to join in its biggest Anniversary Sweepstakes Draw, where every smoker is a sure winner! All smokers have the chance of winning the following major prizes.
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10. "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?" 9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you. 8. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly. 7. When you log on, your computer says "You've got lawsuits!" 6.
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|How do you keep flies out of the kitchen?Put a pile of manure in the living room!
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What do you get if you cross a chemical and a

bicycle ?
Bike carbonate of soda !
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|Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications.She is now noticing that Husband 1.0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources.
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What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer? A fuckin know-it-all!
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