Criminal jokes

What is a monster's favourite
drink?
Demonade.
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A man sobering up from the night before is
sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still
feeling hung over and
tired, he finally nods off.

The
priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent
hangover
and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to

make an example of him.
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Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,'there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. Onemorning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends Ihave been hearing very nasty rumors!"The crowd fell into an expectant silence.
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What do you call a man
with a large
flatfish on his head?
Ray!
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What nationality is Santa Claus?
North
Polish.
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There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a condom. She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up.The pharmacist said, "What brand of condoms to you prefer ma'am."She said, "I'm not sure, they're for my Camels," at which point he fainted.
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|In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food.
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A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, "You put it around your neck!" The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"
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|Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop.One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment.The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.
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Q: How can you identify an Irish pirate?
A:
He's the one with patches over both eyes.
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