Dirty jokes

Barty and Dunny met in a pub
and discussed the illness
of a friend named Hogan.

"Poor
Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die."

"Shure,
an' why would he be dyin'?" asked the other.

"Ah, he's gotten
so thin.
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Doctor, Doctor I dream there are
monsters
under my bed, what can I do?
Saw the legs off of your
bed!
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At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic."What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience. "Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies. "Well, what's so miraculous about it?""One of the side effects is short-term memory loss.
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"Great news,
Mr. Oscarson," the
psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of
therapy, I can
pronounce you finally and completely cured of your
kleptomania. You'll
never be trapped by the desire to steal again."

"Gee, that's
great, Doc," the patient replied.
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Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to
avoid a box that fell
out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a
policeman pulled him
over for reckless driving. Fortunately,
another officer had seen the
carton in the road. The policmen stopped
traffic and recovered the box. It
was found to contain large
upholstery tacks.
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Rejected Hallmark Cards:So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
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One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen."Where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.
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A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom.
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Who is the most famous French ant ?
Napoleant
!
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Q: How many Aquarians
does it take to change
a lightbulb? A: A hundred, but they'll all be
competing to be the
one to change the bulb and bring light to the
world.
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