face like a million dollars

Q:
What will Bill's favorite retail
outlet be after his economic
blueprint takes effect?
A: Everything's
$100.
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Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads.
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What kind of dog always needs a shave?
A
bearded collie!
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"I can't believe
it," said the
tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done
nothing but
rain. When do you have summer here?"

"Well, that's hard to
say," replied the local. "Last year, it was
on a Wednesday."
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How many cafeteria staff does it take to

change a light bulb?
"Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've
just cashed up."
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|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.On Saturday last, I had dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. My fortune read:"You will gain admiration from your pears."Comice? Bartlett? Canned? I don't grow or eat them, anyway.
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A mother was teaching her
3-year-old the
Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she
repeated it
after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The
mother
listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right
up
to the end of the prayer.
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Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites
attract.
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Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there
is two
of me
One at a time please
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My problem is that I
keep stealing
things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me
something for
it!
Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and
bring
me a new video camera.
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