How are lawyers like sperm?

What should you call a bald teddy ?

Fred bear !
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When my wife went in the hospital for surgery several years ago, a rule prohibited children under 12 from visiting patients. Our 11-year-old seemed to understand, but our six-year-old took the restriction very hard.We discovered why she was so unusually upset when we heard her talking to her mother on the phone for the first time.
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|A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans.
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An aircraft is about to crash. There are

five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The
first
passenger says, "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA
basketball
player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I
died." So he
takes the first parachute and jumps.
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TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?JACK: 7 years oldTEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?JACK: 9 years oldTEACHER: That's impossible!JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.MIKE: Here it is !TEACHER: Good.
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There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:"don't" and "stop".
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My HMO is terrible. They charge me for a self-examination.It's a flat fee.-Wendy Liebman
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How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?Shoot him before he hits the water!
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What did the pay
phone say when the quarter
got stuck inside it?
Money's tight these days!
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Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay
attention!
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