How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

At a lesson in topography a
soldier was
asked: "What is farther away, Harrison, the moon or that
object on
this map?"
"That object, naturally."
"What makes you think
that?"
" 'Cause we can see the moon any clear night, and we can't see
that
object even at day time."
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|Snowboarding Lessons When you're 47 years old, you sometimes hear a small voice inside you that says: "Just because you've reached middle age, that doesn't mean you shouldn't take on new challenges and seek new adventures. You get only one ride on this crazy carousel we call life, and by golly you should make the most of it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?The bucket.
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If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what
does
an onion do?
Keeps everyone away.
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The IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses for the taxpayers. Yeah, they can't find you when they owe YOU money-Jay Leno
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What animal do you look like when you get into
the
bath ?
A little bear !
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With all due respect, President Clinton was telling the truth when he said he was not having sex with that woman... Of course he was referring to Hillary!
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A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well, and I just act as if I'm listening."
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Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He
was a rough rider!
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What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend ?

'Your plaice or mine' !
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