I'll have a Penguin; shaken, not stirred

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sitsdown in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if ask how you got yours?Other guy: Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident.
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Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton

and Jimmy Carter?
A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the
inauguration to break his
promises.
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During a break on a North Dakota office

building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle.


"Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said.

"What
fer?" asked Pyle.

"Shorter hours."

"Good fer them!" said
the redneck. "Ah always did think sixty
minutes was too long fer an
hour!"
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On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks:Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee?Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date.The guy thinks for a minute and says:Well, what about the last date?
Category: Relationships - 0 Comments

In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs.-Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote:My client, Mr. Wile E.
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So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!".The grasshopper says "Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!".
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Tourist: What's the speed

limit in this hick town?
Native: We don't have one. You strangers
can't get out of here fast
enough for us.
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A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for hisbirthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitudedue to the influence of its former owner, who is now adeceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and downat everything it sees. One day the man comes home with agorgeous woman for a candle lit dinner.
Category: Animal World - 0 Comments

What gives a gorilla good taste?
Four years
in an Ivy League school!
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I was so sorry
to hear you buried
your mother last week.
Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.
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