New Viruses!

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe just cant figyour out watt!GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3. 5 percent margin of error. )TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.FREUDIANVIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.ELVISVIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.NIKEVIRUS: Just does it.SEARS VIRUS: Your data wont appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.CONGRESSIONALVIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song(slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs. . . . No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense".CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS - Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back. Use your virus scan, don't let any of these viruses happen to your PC!