No Coffee Breaks

A man walks
into a shoe store, and tries
on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?"
asks the sales
clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.

The assistant
promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at
the man's feet.
"Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.

"Well, theyth
sthill feelth a bith tighth."
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What does a carpet salesman give his wife for
Valentine's
Day?
Rugs and kisses!
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One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him
what he
wanted him to do.

After God had briefed him on his
mission, the minister decided to ask
him a question.

"God,"
he said, "What is heaven like?"

God replied, "Well, normally I
don't tell people this, but since you
are my servant, I guess I
can tell you.
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What did General
Patton do on Thanksgiving?

He gave tanks.
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What is the
thinnest book in the world?

What Men Know About Women.
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The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did.
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Be sure that you go
straight home after
school
I can't, I live just round the corner !
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What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?

De-calfinated!
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One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level.
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Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home."Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore.
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