Psychiatric Hotline
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Psychiatric HotlineIf you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
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fter all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists for the CIA assasin position ? two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
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A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which revealed itself to be an old bottle sealed with a cork. The man wrenched the cork free and, to his astonishment, there was a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. Standing before him was a genie.
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Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?A: Because she has a frog in her throat at 69!
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Sherlock Holmes
and Matthew Watson were on a
camping and hiking trip. They had gone to
bed and were lying there
looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson,
look up. What do you
see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does
that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another
nice day tomorrow.
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and Matthew Watson were on a
camping and hiking trip. They had gone to
bed and were lying there
looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson,
look up. What do you
see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does
that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another
nice day tomorrow.
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A group of blondes walks into a bar, all excited and giggling. They order a round of drinks.One of the blondes raises her glass and shouts excitedly, "51!!" "51!!" The other blondes echo. After they have finished their drinks, another round is ordered. Again, the blondes toast "51". This happens a few times.Finally, the bartender speaks up.
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
What did the blonde say when she saw the
sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
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sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY's wrong!"
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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning
against the edge of their
pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled
that the next week would mark
their golden wedding
anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a
pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
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against the edge of their
pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled
that the next week would mark
their golden wedding
anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a
pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
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During a visit to a military medical clinic,
I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was
friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he
was due
to leave the service in two months.
As he applied
the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the
blood wouldn't
hurt much.
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I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was
friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he
was due
to leave the service in two months.
As he applied
the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the
blood wouldn't
hurt much.
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Mandy was
applying for a summer
job.
'How old are you?' asked the owner of the store.
'I'm twelve
years old, Sir,' answered Mandy.
'And what do you expect to be when
you grow up ?'
'Twenty one, Sir.'
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applying for a summer
job.
'How old are you?' asked the owner of the store.
'I'm twelve
years old, Sir,' answered Mandy.
'And what do you expect to be when
you grow up ?'
'Twenty one, Sir.'
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