Racoon Joke

Three men die in a car accident
Christmas Eve. They all find
themselves at the pearly gates waiting to
enter Heaven. On entering
they must present something relating or
associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and
finds some Mistletoe, so he is
allowed in.
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Q: What's the difference between a violist and
a
dressmaker?
A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.
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Whats a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotofpuss !Whats a gay dinosaur? A lickdicknopuss !
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These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS " At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law.
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There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Bearded Barbie ...complete with tweezers
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An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.
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Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning.
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If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker.If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.
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How much for a haircut?
Barber:
Fifteen dollars.
How much for a shave?
Barber: Ten dollars.

Right - shave my head.
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Heard about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse!
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