Vampire jokes

When the employees of a
restaurant
attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official

demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a

hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the

foam.
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Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist?A: They both fuck up bowings.
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The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar."I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?!""There is," he replied. "Breakfast!"
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A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink.
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TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER1. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length of string.2. You check out their address, and it's a phone booth containing a Compaq portable and an acoustic coupler.3. Their chief technical officer lives in a 10-foot-by-7-foot shack in the woods.4.
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Why did the teacher
wear
sunglasses?
Because his class was so bright!
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What's another name for a clever duck ?
A
wise quacker !
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Q: Why don't women have
men's
brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.
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A bloke walks into a pub with a frog on his head. The bar attendant asks. "what's that on your head? The frog says. "I don't know, it started out as a wart on my bum!"
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Where does a snowman put his birthday candles?

On his birthday flake!
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