Vampire jokes

My new baby is the image of his father.
Never
mind. just so long as he's healthy.
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20 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex!1. You can GET chocolate.2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.6.
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But let's get real here guys, I mean who
exactly are we kidding
? A
husband controls his wife in much the
same manner as a barometer
controls the weather.
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You might be a redneck if you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
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The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume."This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 perounce.""Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't wantsomething called 'Perhaps'; I want something called..."You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"
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A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a strollin the fields when they came across a cow and acalf rubbing noses."Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want todo the same.""Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."
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This male prostitute contracted syphilis.He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.
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Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 3 have done time for assault 71 cannot get a credit card
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Coleman
moved to Wyoming and was sitting in
the unemployment office applying for a
job. "Have you any
experience in coal mining?" asked the clerk.
"Yeah, in Pennsylvania," he
replied. "They're using that new safety lamp
down there now, aren't
they?" "Ah don't know, mister," said
Coleman. "I worked on the day
shift."
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There are bats hanging of a branch

upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this

one?
- I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then
he
fainted.
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