Various animal jokes

With four
daughters and one son always
dashing to school activities and part-time
jobs, our schedule was
hectic.

To add to this, we kept running out of household
supplies.

I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any

item by writing it down on a note pad on the
refrigerator.
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Show up totally smashed. Be as obnoxious and unruly as possible.When the priest says his little "If anyone know any reason...
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How do you make a hot dog stand?Steal its chair.
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Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing streetinterviews about the upcoming presidential primary election."I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said. "Idon't know any of them.""I feel the same way," the second man said. "Only I knowthem all."
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Running U.S. appliances on British current. Runs squares around the competition. Rusty springs in the mousetrap. S p a c e d o u t . Sailboat fuel for brains. Sat under the ozone hole too long. Sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong. Serving donuts on another planet. Settled some during shipping and handling.
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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
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The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps withpictures of favorite lawyers on them.The people that use them don?t know which side to spit on!
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What are you doing?
I'm trying to
call Washington!
Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!
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|The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
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A retiring farmer in preparation for selling

his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every
house
in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he
gave a horse. To the houses
where the woman is the boss, a chicken
was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple
outside gardening.
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