Various animal jokes

Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the

state highway in
Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the
ticket, one Ranger
turned to the other and said, "How do you spell
Waxahachie?"

The other one replied, "I don't know."

So
the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it

wrong it will get dismissed.
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One afternoon a little boy was playing
outdoors. He used his
mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful
time until it was getting
dark.

He left the broom on the back
porch. His mother was cleaning up the
kitchen when she realized that
her broom was missing.
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What's a man's worst nightmare?1) The Super Bowl is pre-empted by a soap opera. 2) His wife has amnesia and forgets how to cook so he has to. 3) A female boss. 4) He has to ask his wife for money.
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How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?There's dandruff on his/her shoes.
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Beatrice Lillie (Lady Peel) was once accosted by
a
haughty old dowager who scrutinized her through her lorgnettes.
"What
lovely pearls, dear Beatrice," she maliciously remarked. "Are
they
real?" Yes, nodded Lady Peel. "Of course," the dowager
declared, "you
can always tell real pearls by biting them.
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What is the difference between a
psychiatrist and a psychologist?
If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my
mother," he will ask "Why do
you say that?" while a psychologist will
say "Thank you for sharing
that with us."
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A hospital patient, recovering from minor surgery, was being given an alcohol rubdown by two of the hospital's more attractive nurses.While manipulating the man's body they noted that the word "tiny" was tattooed on the head of his penis.
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A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he noticesthat the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stopsat the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town.
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A man returns from a trip to Amsterdam and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a series of tests.The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital and the phone by his bed rings."This is your doctor," says the voice on the phone.
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A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.
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