Various animal jokes

A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he's okay. "No, I'm not," the guy replies. "I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend." "Well," asks the bartender, "what did you say to your wife?" "Nothing. I'm not speaking to that bitch anymore.
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What should you do if you see a vicious
dog?
Hope he doesn't see you.
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Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
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Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher
pig?
Because he was an old boar.
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When do vampires bite you?
On
Wincedays.
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Fred: I'm sure I'm right.
Betty: You're
as right as rain - all wet!
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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?A: It don't matter what you call him, he ain't commin'!
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How do you get a parrot to talk properly ?

Send him to polytechnic !
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With four
daughters and one son always
dashing to school activities and part-time
jobs, our schedule was
hectic.

To add to this, we kept running out of household
supplies.

I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any

item by writing it down on a note pad on the
refrigerator.
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|Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.Proof: Suppose that a=b. Thena = ba^2 = aba^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)a + b = ba = 0Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then b + b = b, and 2b = b, which mean that 2 = 1.
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