Waiter jokes

My husband's business is rather up-and-down
-
he makes yo-yos.
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A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
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Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman."Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your armsreally *really* hard." So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below.
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"Now as I understand it, Sir," said the

police officer to the motorist, "you were driving this vehicle when the

accident occurred. Can you tell me what happened?"
"I'm afraid
not, officer," replied the motorist. "I had my eyes
shut!"
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Q: Which part of a vegetable can you not eat?A: The Wheelchair!
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What do you call an alcoholic dog ?
A whino
!
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What's a definition of a gynecologist?Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where mostpeople find pleasure
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Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
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|(15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva.
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An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved
away
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