Warning labels
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If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember). WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really huge biker guy named "Big Al".
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Featured Jokes
What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his
goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
I don't know, but it
is great at chasing submarines.
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goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
I don't know, but it
is great at chasing submarines.
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An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over..."So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?""Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk.
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A man walks into a palm reader store and asks
the reader,
"Could you read my palm?" He shows his hand to her, and
she says,
"But...I can't read your hand."
"Why?" the man
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"I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.
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the reader,
"Could you read my palm?" He shows his hand to her, and
she says,
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"Why?" the man
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"I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.
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The new FDA milk labeling rules are so strict, it's now illegal to print a picture of a missing fat kid on a carton of skim milk.
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Q. Why did God give man a penis?A. So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up!Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?A. Its Braille for "suck here."Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?A. Lipstick.Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.Q.
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Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bride
!
Bride who ?
Bride and Prejudice !
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Who's there !
Bride
!
Bride who ?
Bride and Prejudice !
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Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask
jumped into the path
of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in
his ribs. "Give me your
money", he demanded.
Indignant, the
affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it - I'm a United
States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
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jumped into the path
of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in
his ribs. "Give me your
money", he demanded.
Indignant, the
affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it - I'm a United
States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
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A person is in the hospital and asked his
doctor how much time does
he
have left to live. The doctor did not
want to lie so he told him that
he
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night. So the person calls for his lawyer
and
asks him to come
and sit by his bed.
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doctor how much time does
he
have left to live. The doctor did not
want to lie so he told him that
he
wouldn't make it through the
night. So the person calls for his lawyer
and
asks him to come
and sit by his bed.
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What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies
quiet?
Egyptian dummies.
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quiet?
Egyptian dummies.
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it was cute