What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

Patient: I'm really depressed.

Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed.
Patient: Nothing is going
well.
Therapist: Nothing well.
Patient: I feel like killing
myself.
T: You're thinking of killing yourself.
P: Yes, I'm going
to do it NOW.
T: You want to do it now.
P: [Jumps out window.]

T: Woosh. Splat.
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|Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?""Yeah," says the other cowboy."Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."Just then the Indian looks up.
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She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?He: Your sense of humor.
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|Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?A: A duck filled fatty puss!Q: What kind of cat should you take into the desert?A: A first aid kitty!Q: Why do cats chase birds?A: For a lark!Q: What do cats read in the morning?A: Mewspapers!Q: What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws?A: An acrocat!Q: What do you call a
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A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school.She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast."No," the son replies. "I don't wanna go to school!""You HAVE to go to school," the mother scolds."No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky.
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A coffin was being moved
when it
fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the
morticians
started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician

yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, "Doc, quick, give
me
something to stop this coffin."
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Computers make very fast, very accurate

mistakes.
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Knock Knock
Who's there !
Abbey
!
Abbey who ?
Abbey stung me on the nose !
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Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day. The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." "Well, just return my money to me," Kenny said. "Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer.
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If six children and two dogs were under
an
umbrella, how come none of them got wet?
Because it wasn't
raining.
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