Why did god invent alcohol?

After their house burned down, Mary Ann, his wife, called the insurance company.Mary Ann tells the insurance agent, "We had that house insured for one hundred thirty thousand dollars and we want our money."The agent replies, "Whoa there, just a minute. It doesn't work quite like that.
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Q: How
many graduate students does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take him/her more
than five years to do
it.
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A man is walking down the street
when he sees a sign in the
window of a travel agency that says
CRUISES - $100. He goes into the
agency and hands the guy $100. The
travel agent then whacks him over the
head with a baseball bat and
throws him in the river.
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Did you hear about the blonde who got into the

taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
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What's the worst thing about having to kiss

Grandma?
When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the
head.
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How many film directors
does it take
to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two
times and when he's done,
everyone says that his last light bulb was
much better.
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An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. " In the U.
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My husband and I divorced over
religious
differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.
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Q: How many Bill Clintons
does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: He doesn't! He whines a while, says "I feel
your pain", and gets
congress to pass a billion dollar light
security bill, and blames
Republicans and special interests for not
making lightbulbs free.
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A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool.
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