Why did the pervert cross the road?

What happens when you throw
one banana to
two hungry Apes?
A banana split!
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Farmer Giles is so interested in conserving
energy,
he built a pig-powered car.
He has to get rid of it,
though. Every time he turns a corner, the
tires squeal
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Why do we put candles on top of a birthday

cake?
Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
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Republicans always take the price tag off

expensive gifts before wrapping.
Democrats also remove price tags
off pricey gifts ... and reposition
them to make sure they are
seen.
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Tourist: The flies are awfully
thick around here. Don't you ever shoo
them?
Native: No, we just
let them go barefoot.
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Q: How many Labour Party
members does it
take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They haven't got a policy on
that.
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Q: What's the difference between a violist and
a
dressmaker?
A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.
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A blonde walks up
to a Coke machine and
puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks
amazed and runs away
to get some more coins. She returns and starts
feeding the machine
madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out

drinks.
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|DURING a readiness exercise, my friend Jim and I, Air Force security policemen, were guarding entry to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept.When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it."I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped.
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Caught napping at work, school, or church...try this one.Guaranteed to work!Just pick your head up real fast and say:"...in JESUS' name...AMEN!"(he-he...how can they yell at you for this :)ADDENDUM: For some reason, it won't work in a Synagogue?
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