Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?

How is being at a singles bar
different from
going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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|The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.
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Why was the
snowman's dog called Frost?
Because Frost bites.
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Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now. Daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing.
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Q: How many over eager PA's does it take
to
screw in a li...
A: Done!
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An auditor is checking the books of
an
airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to

Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an
explanation.

"It was late at night'" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in

fog and I lost my bearings.
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|A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley.
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A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
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Safety Tip:Calculus and automobiles don't mix -- never drink and derive
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|Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?A: The bow is moving.Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Sit in the back and don't play.Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola?A: A viola burns longer.
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