Yo momma jokes

Q: What did one flea say to the other flea

when they came out of the movies? - A: Should we walk home or take a

dog?
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Peter and Jim were partners in a profitable painting-contracting business. Unfortunately, they weren't entirely honest, because they mixed their paint with water.One day Jim's conscience started to bother him as they painted a poor widow's house. The next day Jim told Peter he just couldn't be dishonest anymore."Don't quit now," Peter begged.
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Why did your sister shoot the alarm clock
?
Because she felt like killing time.
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A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.
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We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven". You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
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Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a
private
school?
A: If they sent her to a public school, the
secret service would be
out-gunned!
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A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage.
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Why don't lawyers play

hide-and-seek?

Nobody will look for them.
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It only rains twice a
year in Seattle:
August through April and May through July.
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The Freudian Slip Ted and John are setting in the bar and John asked Ted if he bought the train tickets to go see the Steelers game this weekend. Ted says yea and kinda looked a little funny. John said is there anything wrong? Ted said naw, everythings OK.
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