April Fools Jokes

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting
"Pieces of
four"?
Short John Silver!
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Q: How do you tell one end of a worm from the other?A: Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.
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An old sailor goes to a brothel,where he chooses his girl and begins."How am I doing?" He asks."Three knots," she replies."Three knots? What's that mean?""You're not hard, you're not in,and you're not getting your money back."
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A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof -- out pops a genie."Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes.
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A Purple Heart proves three things: you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.10 second fuses only last 7 seconds. Anything you do can get you shot, even doing nothing. Claymores are labeled "This side toward enemy" for a reason. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
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Why did the dog run in circles?
He was a
watchdog and needed winding.
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Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say ass' and I'll say hell'".All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast."Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios.
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Q: Why did God
create man before woman?

A: He didn't want any advice.
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An American tourist
travelling
in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was
lucky
enough to pick up, for a mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick.

Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity,

signed by Saint Patrick himself.
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A Press Release -WASHINGTON D.C. The House Appropriations subcommittee on NASA oversight, in another effort to reduce the NASA budget, passed a resolution today to downsize the solar system. According to an unnamed congressional staffer, House Republicans felt there has been "too much redundancy in the solar system" and that streamlining the 4.
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