Business Jokes

|An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.The Japanese team won by a mile.
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|For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment.They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population.Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.
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|Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
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|Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours.
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|The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously."What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?""I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."
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|Dear Sir,I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
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|Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.
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|When I take a long time, I am slow.When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.When I don't do it, I am lazy.When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.When I do it without being told, I'm trying to be smart.When my boss does the same, that is initiative.When I please my boss, that's brown-nosing.
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|1. I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.3. I'll kill myself if I don't get a job.4. I know where you live.5. Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted."6.
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|In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet.The copier is out of order!Yes, we have called the service man.Yes, he will be in today.No, we cannot fix it.
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