Comedian Jokes
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I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal excrement on your doorstep-is this a choice?-Jerry Seinfeld
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I had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it, I just did it as a warning to the other organs in my body to shape up or they're out of there-Charlie Viracola
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My HMO is terrible. They charge me for a self-examination.It's a flat fee.-Wendy Liebman
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?-George Carlin
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The IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses for the taxpayers. Yeah, they can't find you when they owe YOU money-Jay Leno
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Category: Comedian Jokes - 0 Comments
The IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.-Conan O'Brien
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Do you ever get the vuja day feeling? Not deja vu. This is vuja day: the strange feeling that none of this has ever happened before-George Carlin
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I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.-Mitch Hedberg
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An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."-Mitch Hedberg
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The EPA is conducting a $700,000 dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. "Pollution? It's those damn trees."Jay Leno
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Page 1 of 212
Random Jokes
How many social
scientists does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Social scientists do not change light
bulbs; they search for the
root cause as to why the last one went
out.
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scientists does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Social scientists do not change light
bulbs; they search for the
root cause as to why the last one went
out.
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Q: What do a Wendy's
Hamburger and the
Waco compound have in common?
A: They were both cooked by a guy
named "Dave".
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Hamburger and the
Waco compound have in common?
A: They were both cooked by a guy
named "Dave".
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A man working at a lumberyard is pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all then of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency romm of a nearby hospital where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do.""I haven't got the fingers.
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
What goes up slowly and comes down quickly
?
An elephant in a lift !
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?
An elephant in a lift !
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I give all of these people a DUH! - DOH! - & Woo-hoo!HANDS-DOWN WINNER OF THE IDIOT CORPORATION AWARD! AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at thebottom of the pool!
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
How do Jewish
people celebrate
Christmas?
They all gather around their cash registers and sing
"What a
Friend We Have In Jesus..."
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people celebrate
Christmas?
They all gather around their cash registers and sing
"What a
Friend We Have In Jesus..."
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|A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
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Category: Marriage Jokes - 0 Comments
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