Comedian Jokes
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I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal excrement on your doorstep-is this a choice?-Jerry Seinfeld
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I had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it, I just did it as a warning to the other organs in my body to shape up or they're out of there-Charlie Viracola
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My HMO is terrible. They charge me for a self-examination.It's a flat fee.-Wendy Liebman
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?-George Carlin
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The IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses for the taxpayers. Yeah, they can't find you when they owe YOU money-Jay Leno
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The IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.-Conan O'Brien
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Do you ever get the vuja day feeling? Not deja vu. This is vuja day: the strange feeling that none of this has ever happened before-George Carlin
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I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.-Mitch Hedberg
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An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."-Mitch Hedberg
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The EPA is conducting a $700,000 dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. "Pollution? It's those damn trees."Jay Leno
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Page 1 of 212
Random Jokes
Three drunks were sitting at a bar. The first one said... "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes."He paused. "I didn't even know she smoked!"The second drunk said... "I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer.
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
THE TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
A friend went to the kitchen window to check on her two-year-old son, who was playing in the yard with some older children in the neighbourhood. She was horrified to see that they were feeding him an earthworm.
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Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly
contest, they said
"Sorry, no professionals."
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contest, they said
"Sorry, no professionals."
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What did the bald man say when he got
a
comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !
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a
comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !
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An airline stewardess was giving the standard
safety briefing to the
passengers. She had just finished saying
'In the event of a water
landing,
your seat cushion may be
used as a flotation device,' when a man
remarked, "Hey! If the plane
can't fly, why should I believe the seat
can
float?"
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safety briefing to the
passengers. She had just finished saying
'In the event of a water
landing,
your seat cushion may be
used as a flotation device,' when a man
remarked, "Hey! If the plane
can't fly, why should I believe the seat
can
float?"
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Q: How many senators does it take
to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a
quorum.
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to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a
quorum.
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A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed
three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an
extraordinary
performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man
commented.
"He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every
time he
gets a good hand he wags his tail."
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three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an
extraordinary
performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man
commented.
"He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every
time he
gets a good hand he wags his tail."
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