Computers

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electricalmalfunction disabled all of aircraft's electronic navigation and communicationequipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine hisposition or course to steer to the airport.
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USENET ParodyNo no, the question is: How many USENET posters does it take to changea lightbulb?A1. Define "change"A2. How do you know the lightbulb is out?A3. Don't use the word "posters" to describe us, it's offensive tolarge sheets of papers with pictures on them which hang on walls.A4.
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Virus AlertThere is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated throughthe email system. If you get an email message with the subject: "VIRUSALERT!" do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scramblesthe second half of every text file on your system.
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Is Windows a Virus?No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, Windows does that, too.4.
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Glossary Terms-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-So ftware Engineering Glossary of Product TerminologyNEW: Different colors from previous version.ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.
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Microsoft Market Penetration-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-INTROD UCING CONTRACEPTIVE98 ! ! !Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating everyaspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, asuite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
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A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end...
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This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living.
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TOP10.Subject: Gullibility Virus alert (fwd) ************************** ************************** ************** WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE! Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet! ************************** ************************** ************** WASHINGTON, D.C.
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Microsoft Addresses Justice Department AccusationsREDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum.
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