Drunks
The Eighteen Bottles I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by mywife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, orelse... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
After a long pubcrawl those two guys discuss wether the moon is red orgreen. Since they can't come to a conclusion they go searching a cop. Finally they find one and ask him: "Please, officcccer, could you tell usif the moon is red or green?" The cop looks up and asks back: "The left or the right one?"
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows when to stop."
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy askingwhat time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk.About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even=drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks."Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI! 3rd guy: That's nothing.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we talk about politics The bartender says ?IF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S POLITICS?. A little while later hey bartender can we talk about religon. Again the bartender says" IF THERE'S ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S RELIGON".
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in the door he says, rapidly,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" At which point they usually ask him what it was he said, and he then says, "Terribly nasty weather." They then go off looking confused.
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on a manual rotisserie. A drunk comes walking along and says, "Hey, man...the music stopped, and your monkey's on fire."
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
Category: Drunks - 0 Comments
If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.
Category: Drunks - 1 Comments
Category: Drunks - 1 Comments
Random Jokes
One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself. "Where's Eve?" He asked."Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so.""So where is she?" asked God."Well, she went down to the river to wash up." replied Adam."Darn," said God. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!"
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Two Polaks are walking down opposite sides of a river when they notice each other. One invites the other one over. "I can't swim", he replies. "Why don't you come over here?"The other guy says, "I can't swim, either. What are we gonna do?"First guy says, "Wait! I got a flashlight. I'll turn it on, and you walk across the beam to this side.
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
Category: Miscellaneous - 0 Comments
A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating somecandy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hairon the floor. "Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?" asked the barber. "Don't be so stupid, I'm only three!!" said the girl!
Category: Children - 0 Comments
Category: Children - 0 Comments
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.
Category: Religion - 0 Comments
Category: Religion - 0 Comments
An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water."That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks."As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel's balls.The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water.
Category: Animal World - 0 Comments
Category: Animal World - 0 Comments
Why is sex like money in the bank?Because when you withdraw, you lose interest.Sent by Annette
Category: ROOT - 0 Comments
Category: ROOT - 0 Comments
Why is the old, decrepit horse named
Flattery?
Because it gets you nowhere!
Category: More Jokes - 0 Comments
Flattery?
Because it gets you nowhere!
Category: More Jokes - 0 Comments
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Drunks
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